Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
