I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
