Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
