Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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