I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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