I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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