Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
