I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
