Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
