She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
