It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
