how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
