If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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