Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
