I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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