What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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