dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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