Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
