I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
