I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
