3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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