you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
