If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
