Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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I just want nice things and good sex
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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