I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
