Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
