Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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