Non-Jews are for practice
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Im part way to drunk.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
