did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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