I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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