dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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