I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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