Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i dont even know how to be here
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
