??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
