Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hippo gnu deer
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So squirting runs in the family.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
