Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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