I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
