Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
