I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He passed out mid-signature
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
