She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
