im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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