well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
