this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
