We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
