I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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