I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
