here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
