we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
