I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
