I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
