i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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