Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We had to coat check the pizza.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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