So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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