I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
