honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
