Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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