you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
