How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
