I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
