Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
