Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
