True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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