Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
