Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i permit you to call me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
